Longing, Learing and Adjusting

a story by Stephanie Molnar

I enjoy Advent—the gatherings, the inescapable rotation of holiday hits, decorating my home. But the concept of “Christmas tradition” often fills me with longing and loss. What was important to me 10 or 12 or 48 years ago no longer applies. Or, more heart-achingly, people connected to certain traditions in my memory have moved on or died.

Particularly after I got sober, a quest to improve our health, reduce our environmental impact, and limit animal suffering has also led my husband and I to let go of longstanding food traditions. My doctor even got me off gluten, so once-a-year treats like my mom’s peanut butter cookies have had to be adjusted or replaced. (Happy to report my vegan, gluten-free treats pass muster with Mom!)

The process can be difficult. But new traditions spring up! My mom, widowed 12 years, comes to our house because our fireplace reminds her of her grandparents’. We have adopted Christmas Eve tamales—bean, of course—from our Mexican neighbors. We donate to organizations working for what we feel is helpful in the world. Even so, tears still flow when I think of my dad, my grandparents, my big brother Roger, and animals now buried in our backyard instead of running through it.

One tradition I hold onto? Choosing Advent as a time to review the year and remember that, as Julian of Norwich said, “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.” All things including traditions evolve, and that’s okay.

Scripture: Ecclesiastes 3:1 & 6

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away.

Prayer

Mothering God, help us keep open minds and hearts as we let go of traditions that no longer work, adopt ones better suited to our present, and seek to serve You in an ever-changing world. Amen.